Counseling and Adjectives and the Supreme Relevance of Love

If you haven’t noticed, Christians like to put different adjectives in front of the word “counseling."

Biblical, Christian, and Pastoral are among the most popular, and all of them may be useful so long as we remember that in the context of counseling each adjective is more than a mere descriptor. For example, “Biblical Counseling” does not simply refer to a method of counseling that makes use of the Christian Scriptures—it is a technical phrase that articulates a set of priorities and philosophies, which set “Biblical Counseling” apart from “Christian Counseling.” (If you’re interested, here is a brief and fairly accurate summary of some similarities and differences between these two approaches.)

And then there are those precious, door-opening adjectives—“Licensed Professional” Counselor! This is the state-issued credential shared by most of my colleagues and pursued by associate counselors like me who are in the process of completing their supervision requirements while doing much of the same work.

Vocationally, I’m a man dancing between adjectives. 



But what do all of these adjectives really say about me, and about other counselors who seemingly collect descriptors and letters like so many pieces of flare? To be honest, they say a few very important things, but not the main thing.

First, a few very important things: The adjectives let you know a little about what you can expect from me in a counseling session: To what degree do I value Scripture as a guide for spiritual and psychosocial health and flourishing? To what extent do I value the techniques of secular psychology in approaching mental health issues? How might I make use of the DSM-V? What is a human being? What is the point of life, the universe, and everything? It really can go on ad infinitum…



The point is that your counselor’s frame of reference matters, and you should ask about it. If you don’t know the counselor yet, think of the adjectives as a shorthand map in your exploration. (And if you’re part of a trusted faith community, don’t forget to ask their direction as well.)

But there are many more things that these adjectives can never tell you, and this is the point of main concern: none of the adjectives tell you whether I will love you.

To be clear, in the context of counseling, love is not a transgression of professional boundaries. I will post more on this point later, but by “love” I am not referring to a feeling or a certain relational style.

In the Christian Scriptures, love is that often-described but never completely defined (because it is ultimately an ineffable energy of God) virtue that guides all of God’s interactions with humanity, and ideally orients and empowers all interpersonal encounters as well, to the extent that the Apostle Paul is moved to say, “(If I) have not love, I am nothing.”

A while back my friend Stephen Muse wrote a “Pastoral Counseling Epistle” for counselors like me, who are juggling theories and methods and ethics while also trying to maintain their soul. He was also writing as one who had spent over a dozen years pastoring a church before transitioning into counseling psychology, like I am doing right now.

His epistle is based on the above words of the apostle from 1 Corinthians 13. As you read it, ask, “What if you could expect this from a counselor?” What if (God help us) you could expect it from me?

"If I know the classical psychological theories well enough to pass my comps and can reformulate them in ways that can impress peer reviewers from the most prestigious journals, but have not the practical wisdom of love, I am only intrusive muzak soothing the ego while missing the heart.

And if I can read tea leaves, throw the bones and manipulate spirits so as to understand the mysteries of the universe and forecast the future with scientific precision, and if I have achieved a renaissance education in both the exoteric and esoteric sciences that would rival Faust and know the equation to convert the mass of mountains into psychic energy and back again, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I gain freedom from all my attachments and maintain constant alpha waves in my consciousness, showing perfect equanimity in all situations, ignoring every personal need and compulsively martyring myself for the glory of God, but this is not done freely from love, I have accomplished nothing.

Love is great-hearted and unselfish; love is not emotionally reactive, it does not seek to draw attention to itself.  Love does not accuse or compare.  It does not seek to serve itself at the expense of others.  Love does not take pleasure in other people's sufferings, but rejoices when the truth is revealed and meaningful life restored.  Love always bears reality as it is, extending mercy to all people in every situation.  Love is faithful in all things, is constantly hopeful and meets whatever comes with immovable forbearance and steadfastness.  Love never quits.

By contrast, prophecies give way before the infinite possibilities of eternity, and inspiration is as fleeting as a breath.  To the writing and reading of many books and learning more and more, there is no end, and yet whatever is known is never sufficient to live the Truth who is revealed to the world only in loving relationship.

When I was a beginning therapist, I thought a lot and anxiously tried to fix people in order to lower my own anxiety.  As I matured, my mind quieted and I stopped being so concerned with labels and techniques and began to realize that, in the mystery of attentive presence to others, the guest becomes the host in the presence of God.  In the hospitality of genuine encounter with the other, we come face to face with the mystery of God who is between us as both the One offered and the One who offers.

When all the theorizing and methodological squabbles have been addressed, there will still only be three things that are essential to pastoral counseling: faith, hope, and love.  When we abide in these, we each remain as well, without comprehending how, for the source and raison d'etre of all is Love."

- from Stephen Muse, When Hearts Become Flame