Mental Health Resources for Missionaries

featuring Jabez Yeo (pictured with family)

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For the pastors and ministry leaders reading this blog: take a moment to recall your seminary or Bible college graduation ceremony. Everyone is dressed in regalia and smiling, excited to have completed a season of intense studies, all in preparation for vocational ministry. As the last graduate walks across the stage, the president asks for a show of hands to indicate who plans to serve in some kind of ministry. To your surprise, only half of the graduates raise their hands. The other half will move in another vocational direction, despite the immense amount of time, money, and effort spent obtaining their ministry degrees.


The above scenario may seem far-fetched, but this occurs regularly across the mission field. According to the Narramore Christian Foundation, almost 50% of all missionaries do not continue on the field after their first term (i.e. 3-5 years). This is also the average length of time required to learn a language well enough to contextualize the gospel. Additionally, almost 8,000 missionaries leave the field annually due to preventable reasons that counseling can help address (i.e. interpersonal conflict, mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression, burnout, marriage and family difficulties, etc.).
 In light of all the time, money and effort the global church invests in sending missionaries, these statistics provide a sobering picture of the difficulty of retaining and sustaining cross-cultural workers. Without these cross-cultural workers remaining in the field, gospel witness and presence in many unreached areas are being lost or at best, stalled (Romans 10:13-15).

As a third-culture kid and Asian-American, Jabez Yeo, one of our staff counselors, has experience and insight into some of the challenges missionaries and their families face while living and serving cross-culturally. Jabez has a heart for global missions, as well as experience providing counseling for ministry leaders, including missionaries, at various stages in their ministry journey (i.e. candidacy, field assignment, home assignment/debriefing).

For more information on how your church can best support your missionaries, feel free to reach out to Jabez at jyapplegate@gmail.com. He would love to connect with you to share more!

From Kuwait to Kensington: an Interview with Teji Wang

Meet Teji Wang, the new psychiatric nurse practitioner on the PRN Team! Teji was raised in a Chinese family based in Kuwait, and she brings her global perspective to psychiatric care right here in Philadelphia.

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PRN: Teji, welcome to the PRN staff team! Could you share more about yourself for our readers, and also let us know how you first became interested in psychiatric care?

Teji: I would be glad to! I identify as a “third culture” individual, and my parents moved from China to Kuwait in the Middle East before I was born. Kuwait is a petite country filled with expats, and I really appreciated its diversity. That environment really piqued my interest in learning people's stories — Where do they come from? What are their traditions? How do they relate to each other? As I grew, I knew I wanted to work closely with people, so that I could continue asking these questions.

When I began studying at UPenn, I had already chosen to focus on nursing. Through my mother, I was familiar with nursing as a way to integrate science with the art of caring for people. However, it wasn’t until the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic that I became interested in the mental health field. At that time, my younger sister was struggling with her mental health and couldn’t find a comfortable space to share her thoughts. Simultaneously, I was very anxious about my own future here in the States. Like many other international students, I struggled with choosing between returning home before borders closed while risking my academic pursuits, or staying here without the reassurance of being in close proximity to family. These experiences elevated my perception of the importance of mental health.

Thankfully, that year also turned out to be an unexpected season of spiritual growth for me. Through God’s providence, I found myself living in the Kensington community with a household of Christians, and there I experienced firsthand the power of a Christian community living faithfully in unity during a time of crisis. Throughout the pandemic, people intentionally gathered for common prayer, led community cleanups, and cared for the vulnerable in the name of Christ, all in the midst of so much chaos. Soon, my nursing studies led me through psychiatric clinicals while I was still receiving daily reminders of how holistic health needs can be met within a community. It was all so immediately relevant!

PRN: Wow. So your formation as a mental health professional really took shape in the context of faith and community. How do you see these values continuing to shape your work?

Teji: I love the field of psychiatry, and I love how it emphasizes humility and an eagerness to listen. We don’t have all the answers, and we have to know the people we are serving. Think of Christ. He took on human nature to pursue us and identify with us—He learned our stories. It doesn’t matter what our job is, we’re all called to serve our neighbor, and that means getting close. Right now, I’m so grateful to be a part of Philadelphia Renewal Network, in a setting where I get to practice my faith while learning people’s stories to increase access to mental health care.

PRN: Thanks Teji! Great to have you on the team!

The Gift of Group Therapy: An interview with PRN therapist Carmen Aranda

From time to time in our newsletter we like to highlight the different therapists who comprise the Philadelphia Renewal Network team. This fall it seemed fitting to highlight the work of Carmen Aranda, MA, who is launching an Anxiety Support Group this November, while continuing her good work as a therapist specializing in anxiety, depression, and trauma.

PRN: Hi Carmen! We’d love to talk more about the upcoming Anxiety Support Group, but can you begin by sharing how you decided to become a counselor in the first place?

CARMEN: It stemmed from my own experience of receiving counseling beginning at age 15. Counseling gave me a space to process, understand, and master my emotions. Before then, I didn't even know that counseling was a job that you could have because I wasn't exposed to it as a career opportunity! In my adult life, I moved to Philadelphia to join a church plant and was counseled by a woman named Arlene Navarro of Re:Story Counseling. It was my first experience with a woman of color as my therapist and I felt seen in many ways, and God used her to help transform my heart. As we met I felt a calling to contribute to my community in the same way, joining the 7% of therapists in the US who are of Latino descent.

PRN: And once you discerned that you wanted to become a counselor, what next steps did you take?

CARMEN: My next step was to talk with my community about the calling I had felt, and I received nothing but support and affirmation. I researched programs and chose to pursue the Master’s in Counseling program at Missio Seminary - a program that allowed me to merge both my faith and scientific approaches to help individuals in their therapeutic journey. I also enjoyed pursuing this track because I took confidence knowing my professors held the same convictions. It was tough to figure out how to work full-time while also doing the counseling thing full-time, but it was the right move. 

PRN: What has your experience as a counselor been like so far?

CARMEN: I love it! It is the most satisfying career that I could have ever asked for, especially since my faith impacts a lot of the work that I do. As God meets me in the work, I get to sit with people and offer hope, and I feel like it's an ongoing refining relationship for both me and the person I am counseling.  

PRN: I know you’re trained to help people in many kinds of situations, but do you have particular specialties that you’d like to share with our readers?

CARMEN: I enjoy working with survivors of trauma. A lot of times individuals come in for anxiety and depression without realizing these may be symptoms of past trauma. However, even without a trauma history, I love working with individuals navigating the difficulty of emotions and empowering them to slow down the "flood of overwhelm" with tangible tools. 

PRN: On the point of anxiety, you are beginning an Anxiety Support group on Tuesday 11/12. Can you tell us more about that?

CARMEN: Yes! The Anxiety Support Group can be helpful for anyone who struggles with anxiety, but it’s specially designed to help people who are anxious about the holidays and the difficult family dynamics, loneliness, or related experiences associated with the holiday season. We’re going to help participants understand why they feel on edge in various settings, to recognize the societal norms that may not be helpful depending on their situation, and to help identify their emotions and work through them in the healthiest way, without letting negative emotions completely overtake their whole experience. 
We'll integrate biblical concepts like boundaries and grief that relate to our experiences and empower one another through working together. 

PRN: And why might a group setting be uniquely helpful for someone struggling with anxiety?

CARMEN: With mental health, sometimes individuals feel alone and may say to themselves, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I handle this? Everyone else is managing fine on their own." Group therapy can both normalize and validate the discomfort and pain emotions cause in our daily lives, as well as connect us to individuals with similar experiences. Group therapy can also uncover feelings of shame caused by experiences - moving us to feeling like an "other" in the room and becoming a part of a collective group of individuals trying to figure it out together. And at the same time you have access to a counselor who offers insight, group management, and the best therapeutic approaches to finding freedom and relief. It’s also worth noting that it is usually significantly less expensive than an individual counseling session. 

PRN: Thanks Carmen, for sharing part of your story and offering this Anxiety Support Group. We’ll keep spreading the word about the group in the weeks to come!



The Anxiety Support Group begins Tuesday 11/12 from 6:00-7:30pm. The cost is $60 for each 90 minute “double session,” and the group will run for nine weeks. Please pre-register here, or email carmennicolearanda@gmail.com

Why Your Church Needs Sexual Recovery Ministry…and How We Can Help

“What is your church facing in terms of mental, emotional, and relational health? And how can we help you meet those challenges?” That’s what we’ve been asking the leaders of all 29 churches in our Church Network as we meet with them, one by one. Near the top of the list of needs are resources for battling unwanted sexual behaviors like pornography use, spontaneous hookups, sexting, etc. It’s an age-old problem with some newer manifestations.



In response, PRN has partnered with several local organizations to begin sexual recovery groups for both men and women. As these groups get ready to start up this fall, we interviewed two of our partners, Denny Kriczky and Lauren Hays, who both work for the organization Cru and have been set apart to facilitate recovery groups across the regional Church, on local campuses, and with men and women serving in ministry. 


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PRN: Denny, Lauren, would each of you share a bit about yourself and how you got involved in ministries related to sexual wholeness? 


DENNY: I grew up in the suburbs of Philadelphia. Like most people, middle school had its challenges. As I sought out friendships and a place of belonging, I was introduced to pornography by some of my friends at that time. This immediately created a huge tension in my life because what I saw was so appealing, but it was also something I knew I couldn’t talk about. This initial introduction led to 15 years of pornography addiction and other unwanted sexual behaviors. In high school, I heard about Jesus for the first time and began following him. As I began attending a church, I didn't know if there was a place inside or outside the church where I could talk about my behaviors. The first messages I received from the Church were along the lines of “we don’t talk about that here” and it’s bad, just don’t do it; you should be able to stop.” So, I experienced a lot of shame when I couldn’t stop, and that led to hiding, lying, and internal despair. By my mid 20s my life kind of crashed, and I finally sought out a recovery group and began meeting with a counselor as well. God used them to examine the core messages from my early life. He began to show me that He is my Father, that He is for me and not against me, that He created me as a sexual being, and that my sexuality points to oneness and union with Him. I never could have found healing on my own, but instead, I needed to be radically honest with others, myself, and God. Then a few years into my sexual recovery journey, God led me to invite other men into this process that I experienced.

LAUREN: I am originally from Kansas City. I am an only child and my parents worked full time, so I came home by myself after school, and didn't have a lot of boundaries set around me. We had a computer, and I stumbled across pornography in the fourth grade, and at that point in my life there were some things going on in my family that were difficult, and so I didn't really have an outlet for how to deal with my sadness. These images online showed me a happiness I had never seen, and I wanted to experience that kind of joy. And for about 10 years I just would run to this, and also to masturbation, anytime that I was sad or feeling stressed or anxious. 



In college I joined a Bible study, and there was a female leader who shared with us about her own struggles with pornography, and that was the first time I'd ever heard a woman talk about these things. She walked alongside me, gave me resources and prayed with me, and that is what began my recovery journey. Soon I began to share my story with others, and I would hear other women saying, “You know, we've never heard a woman talk about this.” I entered into full time ministry in 2008 and since then the Lord has continued to give me opportunities to come alongside women.

PRN: Your organization has historically focused on college campuses. But it sounds like your vision is for the church at large, and you’re looking to invite people from any generation into recovery. Is that right?

Lauren: My heart is for the whole church everywhere. I think we need to bring these topics to the surface in churches as well as on campus, normalizing having these conversations in every sphere. We really need to stop saying that sexual brokenness, and particularly pornography, is only something that men struggle with, as that really makes women feel more isolated and ashamed.

Denny: Regarding age demographics, while Lauren and I have both offered groups for college students, we also work regularly with people in their 20s through their 60s. Also, we recently had the opportunity to hear the latest findings from the Barna Group report “Beyond the Porn Phenomenon” which will be released soon. They report that 78% of men and 44% of women admit to using pornography; 39% of Gen Z, 36% of Millenials, 21% of Gen X, and 16% of Boomers indulge in pornographic content on a daily or weekly basis; and 84% of reported porn users say they don’t have anyone in their life helping them avoid pornography. So, the problem of unwanted sexual behavior simply doesn't just go away with age. And therefore, as Lauren said, our vision is for the whole Church.

PRN: So, what resources are out there to help? We are obviously working with you all to offer something new. But who is already doing good work? And what is not working? 


Denny: There are several fantastic, Christ centered, trauma informed ministries. Over the past five years Lauren and I have gotten to know the folks at Harvest, north of the city. They are a fantastic ministry, but their waitlist is often quite long. So there’s definitely a need for more in-person resources in the heart of Philadelphia. If you ask me, “What’s not working?” I’ll just speak to general approaches…just asking people to hold you accountable doesn’t work, if that’s all you’re doing. That puts the onus on someone else.

Lauren: I agree with Denny. Pure Desire, Harvest USA, Authentic Intimacy are a few great organizations. What’s unhelpful? The purity culture tendency to shout “Just don't do it! Run from temptation, ignore it, find something else to do!” Unwanted sexual behavior is usually a symptom of something much deeper. Why am I choosing to go down this path that I know is destructive and leads to shame? Just “ignoring and running” may also lead to ignoring Jesus and pushing him out of this area of your life. But all of your life is connected, and it all needs to be surrendered to Jesus.

PRN: Can you each share what’s beginning this fall, and how you’re partnering with PRN to make it happen? And if a man or woman is reading this and interested in exploring next steps to getting support, what should they know?

Denny: On Wednesday, October 2nd, there will be a no-commitment introductory meeting. We’ll talk about what the men’s sexual recovery group will look like before the group officially begins the following week on October 9th. It will be a 10-month long group that will meet weekly, and we'll use material called The Seven Pillars of Freedom from Pure Desire ministries. And there is no cost except the materials fee. We expect to have men from many different churches, and John Alexander has been reaching out to PRN network churches to spread the word. You should also know that the groups are confidential—what’s shared in the group stays in the group. And lastly, I’ll say, God's going to show up!

Lauren: At the moment, I am focusing on creating a safe space for other women who may have been struggling silently for a long time. We plan to begin several groups, but in the early fall we’re focusing on one-to-one listening and sharing; this will inform where the groups go from there. Before a woman has to tell me anything, I generally share more of my own story and invite her to proceed however she feels led. So I invite any woman to reach out to me for a one on one conversation. 



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You can reach Lauren directly at lauren.hays@cru.org and Denny at denny.kriczky@cru.org or directly register to sign up for the men’s sexual recovery group or women’s sexual recovery group. After a small materials cost, these groups will be entirely free.

When Counseling Replaces Community

We love counselors. We are counselors. But your spiritual family offers things we can never provide, and our work often depends on theirs.

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One of my favorite things about counseling is discovering my clients’ uniqueness. Each of them is broken and flawed. Each is also amazing. In fact, unless I identify specific ways that they are amazing — their unique gifts, how they’ve been refined through difficulty, their courage to risk love or forgiveness or repentance — I do not believe that I can really help them. This is not ego-stroking. It’s just noticing the subtle evidence of the Holy Spirit that tends to be ignored in times of crisis.

Sometimes I fail to notice. But when I do, that’s when an appointment becomes a connection and dialogue becomes “trialogue” in communion with God and the other. In these moments, I don’t just have to be there; I want to be there. I’m in. There’s a relationship. A friendship, even. But of course there are clear limits to how far this friendship with a counselor can go. For example…

I can’t go to your kids’ sports games and root for them alongside you.

I can’t linger at your dinner table after an unhurried meal, sharing embarrassing stories that are old enough to laugh at.

I can’t bring you a casserole when your loved one dies. And even if I could, I likely can’t be the one who sits right behind you at the funeral, or calls you every year on the anniversary of their homegoing.

I am not going to help you move.

We likely will not worship, serve, or practice solidarity with the poor in the same place.

I’m just not that kind of friend. These are privileges of chosen family members. In part, it’s what your church is for. And even dysfunctional church families tend to do some of these things pretty well.

Last month I suggested that mental health terms are replacing the vocabulary of faith. Whenever “what works?” crowds out “what’s meaningful?”, faith suffers, and there are steep hidden costs to individuals and communities. Today I address the relational cost.

Be honest. Have you ever asked yourself, “Why are church relationships important?” Perhaps you’re working with a therapist who already supports you through adversity and transition, and you wonder, “What additional support do I need from church people, especially the ones who are awkward and difficult to love?”

The Scriptures actually assume we all ask these questions. That is why there are over 50 “one anothering” commandments in the New Testament (encourage one another, love one another, etc.). It’s also why the apostle Paul repeatedly describes the Church as one body with varied indispensable parts. 

I’ll let those Scriptures speak for themselves; here I’ll focus my comments on just two clinical reasons why a community is more important than a counselor.

1) Community is foundational to therapy. Your counselor will tell you that there is a low ceiling to the progress you can make in therapy without community support, even if it’s the support of just one or two trusted friends.


To be clear, we know that your lack of connection isn’t necessarily your fault, and good work can begin even if you feel all alone! But we have it on good authority that the law of Christ (which is love) is fulfilled by bearing one another’s burdens, which also means allowing your own burdens to be borne by others. Knowing this, your counselor can walk with you while you create or restore your community if you have none. Your flourishing depends on it.

2) Community lasts longer than therapy. Ideally, your church relationships will last longer than your relationship with your counselor. Of course, some of us need to be in counseling for a long time. And some clients schedule periodic check-ups for their psychiatric care over the course of many years. It’s a privilege to work with you for as long as you need us! But for most, therapy lasts for a season and then ends. At that point, your care will be entrusted fully back to your chosen family. Will a community be there for you?

Friends, believe me, I know that your church relationships are sometimes why you are in counseling. How could it be otherwise? As with a family of origin, these are covenant relationships that significantly impact you for good or ill.

So, should we pursue a supportive community at all, if it involves the risk of messy relationships? Is community worth it? Is love worth it? Sometimes therapy lingers on these questions for a long time. And while we wait for answers, my work is to remind you of the things that I can and cannot offer you as a counselor…

My love is yours, and so are my prayers — you can never, ever buy those. But you are buying my time.

The games, the funerals, the casseroles…I’m just not going to be that kind of family. But with Christ helping us, I’d love to help you in the search for one.

In Christ,
John Alexander

ps: Central to the PRN model of counseling is the “therapy-church bridge”. Feel free to call us any time to discuss our church partnership model, if your church isn’t already part of our network.

Meaninglessness & the Vocabulary of Faith

“Pain relief is not the meaning we need. And make no mistake: meaninglessness is a painful epidemic all its own, which requires all the resources that our faith uniquely provides.”

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In my work as Ministry Development Director at PRN, I often meet with church leaders to find out how we can better serve the 26 congregations in our growing church network. In one recent meeting, a pastor described the counseling needs among his congregants, most of which are common to other churches — marital difficulties, depression, anxiety, addiction, etc. At the end of our conversation I asked him, “And are there any newer mental health trends that you’re noticing, compared to say, five years ago?” His answer surprised me. 



“Well, I’ll only tell you because you asked,” he began. “Recently I’ve noticed a vocabulary problem. Our people seem to use only mental health terms to describe their spiritual lives.” 



After getting more clarity about what he meant, I started to ask other regional church leaders if they shared his observation. Sure enough, a pattern emerged in their responses: Christians increasingly use mental health terms like depression, anxiety, trauma, attachment, differentiation, fusion, and personality disorder to describe their inner lives, while using less biblical terminology.


To my mind, there are good and bad things about this development. Let me explain.


First of all, it is good that more Christians are willing to discuss mental health issues in their church communities, because mental illness is very common. The National Alliance on Mental Illness reports that one in five adults in the U.S. experience mental illness each year, and one in twenty experience serious mental illness. The statistics for children, youth, and young adults were similar until 2020, when they got significantly worse. And although many want to turn to their church leaders for support, mental illness is still often stigmatized in the Church, both in the U.S. and around the world. So thank God that many Christians — at least many in the Philadelphia region — feel comfortable bearing one another’s burdens in such a significant area of need!

Secondly, many of our experiences of mental illness reflect biblical phenomena. Several mental health terms listed above are either near-translations of terms in Scripture (Mt. 6:25-34), or fit within biblical categories of human suffering in a sinful, fallen world (Ps 38:3-10). Yes, terms like “depression," “anxiety,” and “trauma” often imply technical meanings conceived in modernity, but they nonetheless denote observable human experiences that Christ intends to minister to using all means of grace during this age, and to fully redeem in the fullness of the Kingdom.

For all of these reasons, I am glad that Christians are using mental health vocabulary more freely within their churches.

So, what’s the concern? 


The concern is not about the presence of newer terms; it’s about the absence of older ones. My pastor friends have noticed that mental health terms are beginning to replace the biblical concepts that authoritatively describe the Christian’s spiritual life — concepts like salvation, faith, sin, judgment, righteousness, forgiveness, repentance, mercy, love, and others. If they are right about this development, I think I can identify at least one significant reason why it is happening:

Mental health often feels supremely relevant, especially during a crisis.

For example, if I experience panic attacks, an evidence-based anxiety intervention may feel more relevant than a covenant-based assurance of God’s care. Think about it. If I was once taught that my symptoms were the result of faithlessness but now experience symptom relief through therapy, I may begin to reconsider the categories that best inform human transformation and flourishing. If mental healthcare simply “works better,” I may increasingly use mental health vocabulary to describe my problems and their remedies.

Here’s another example that I’ve encountered: An exploration of my family system and my attachment style may empower me to graciously reposition myself and gain new freedom within fraught relationships, whereas before I considered only the resources of personal repentance (Mt 7:3-4), forbearance (Mt 5:38-41), and third-party intervention (Mt 18:15-17) to bring about relational change. If it helps, it helps! And I’ll keep returning to the concepts that help, right?

Here is a question that frames the issue: “When my pain screams at me, shouldn’t I focus primarily on the words, categories, and resources that seem most relevant and bring the greatest relief to my problems?” 

Our compassionate but clear answer must be, “Actually, no.”

Healthcare is wonderful, but there are many issues it cannot address—life’s ultimate meaning, for one. On the other hand, the Scriptures sing of ultimate meaning. And though it may not always relieve our pain, meaning is always directly relevant to our suffering, uniquely answering questions like:

What are human beings, and what are they for?

What is the good life?

What story am I ultimately a part of? 


How have things gone wrong?

Do my pain and suffering mean anything?

What is right with me? 


What is ultimately wrong with me and how can those things be righted?

What anchors my ultimate hopes?

Friends, pain relief is not the meaning of life. And make no mistake: meaninglessness is a painful epidemic all its own, which requires all the resources that our faith uniquely provides to the questions above.

Again, I celebrate the great bounty of mental health wisdom that the Church is continuing to access. But mental health wisdom is a weak, sandy foundation on which to build the house of human flourishing (Mt 7:24-27). By contrast, Christ as God offers his own words as a foundation—a bedrock of meaning that under girds any diagnoses or treatments that help us purposefully journey with Him through this life.

Let’s continue to celebrate mental healthcare, and its vocabulary, however we can! But to simultaneously lose our foundational biblical concepts would be contrary to Jesus Christ’s vision of human flourishing.

Your Depressed Teen and You

Mary Schuelke, LMFT, is one of our therapists who specializes in teens with depression and their families. John Alexander engaged her at the very end of Mental Health Awareness Month to get her thoughts on the teen mental health crisis in America, and how families can be a part of the healing process on the home front, using the spiritual resources of the Christian faith that are far more powerful than we often realize.

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John: Mary, how did you first become interested in working with teens?

Mary: To become licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist, you have to have a certain number of hours working with family and couples clients. That’s when I began working with teens and I just really thought they were fun to work with. It's really a neat time of life, right? They're doing a lot of advanced thinking, but they're in an “already but not yet” phase—they’re becoming adults, but they're not quite there yet. And usually teens are not as set in their ways as grownups. Sometimes as a therapist, you'll suggest something and they'll be like, “Okay, I'll try that.”

John: Let's say a family is interested in referring their teenager for counseling, because their teen is struggling with, say, depression. What are some questions that you have for the parents? I mean, do you have curiosities of what’s happening in the family as a whole?

Mary: It is almost impossible to separate the parts from the whole. Even if I'm seeing an individual adult for therapy, they have a family history and they bring it with them. Virginia Satir talks about families being like a mobile over a baby's crib, and how if one part of that mobile moves, everybody shifts. Families are so integrated. And I think we can see that in our own lived experience, like say a parent goes through a traumatic event or is injured — that deeply affects how the family is organized. So, separating a person and just saying, “this person has depression,” may miss other things going on in their life.

John: How often are parents and other family members willing to look at the whole family, when maybe just one member is experiencing depression?

Mary: It is really hard for any of us to look inside and see how we might be contributing to a problem. It is much easier to say, “my child has this problem.” Whatever else is going on, we have to ask questions about the whole, not just the part.

John: For that reason, do you often request that more family members attend the counseling sessions, and not just the teen? I'm sure it depends on the situation, but tell me more about that dynamic…

Mary: Yeah, I think so much work can be accomplished in family sessions. There's absolutely a place for individual work. But I can recall one situation where there was a miscommunication between a parent and a child because something just wasn't heard. This is some of my favorite work—helping people hear, see, and know each other better. This is where healing can begin. There's real safety in therapy, to process things that you maybe wouldn't want to do in other times and spaces.

John: So the final question I have is more about day-to-day life in the home. In addition to good therapy when it's needed, what “low hanging fruit” can a family reach for as they look to cultivate emotional, mental, and spiritual health with their teens? In other words, what kind of preventative care do you recommend?

Mary: There are a few things that I like to discuss with pretty much every person. We talk about diet, exercise, sleep, screen time, social engagement, and spiritual engagement, because these things are elements of a healthy life. I also really like to teach people the basics about how our thoughts and our feelings impact each other. This has a really good track record for treating depression. But there is a third thing, and this is where I think families can have so much power. I think about family rituals, family culture, and family connection. Don’t give up your family meals and other family traditions. These things help people feel grounded, like they're really part of a family. Specifically, think about “time and technology” — these two come up all the time. We are such a busy culture; we’re always coming and going. Can we foster more simplicity in our schedule, and rest more? I recently read The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by Jon Mark Comer, and I was reminded how the wisdom of the Sabbath particularly impacts our relationships with our children. This grounds us in the Lord together. And then, technology: let’s not have the TV on at dinner. Let’s minimize having our phones out during times of family connection—maybe even in the car. These are basics, but they’re basics for the whole family, not just for the depressed teen.

John: Yeah, it’s interesting—in that book Comer discusses the spiritual disciplines we tend to be more familiar with, like Sabbath, silence, solitude, and stillness, but then he makes an interesting biblical case for the discipline of “slowing,” which I found helpful.

Mary: Listen, I don’t want to communicate that parents are doing a bad job. Parents, your work is hard, and so many of you are doing a great job in the midst of adversity. Also, I'm a mom, so I get that sometimes you want to just look at videos or read articles or text people back. I get it! I just think we're missing a lot of opportune moments that are not always obvious. Our kids and teens are not always going to say, “Mom, come here. I need you.” It’s the looks that we’re sometimes missing—the eye contact. This has a real impact.

John: And these things are doable. You’re giving us simple steps that we really can do, to reengage kids and teens in simple moments, in ways that are far more significant than we may think. Thanks Mary!

Meet Pastor Wayne Lee

We’re beginning a new blog series featuring leaders of churches in our PRN church network. Drop in often to find out how church leaders in the Philadelphia region are facing challenges and sowing seeds of faith, hope, and love in the name of Christ. 

Today I’m interviewing Wayne Lee, who pastors Chinese Christian Church and Center, a congregation in Chinatown. I mainly spoke with Wayne about what it’s been like pastoring in the midst of ongoing public debates about the construction of a new Sixers arena in the center of Chinatown. 

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JOHN: Hi Wayne! Can you give me a sense of how you first started engaging this issue as a pastor, and how you first started thinking that you wanted to lean in a little bit more to this conversation about the arena in Chinatown.

WAYNE: If you asked me six months ago, I wouldn’t have expected to be involved in this at all. I'm more reserved and introverted, and so I don't really like being in the public eye very much. And in the early years of my pastoral ministry here, I was not very engaged in the broader Chinatown community—I wasn’t sure how to get involved. To be honest, I came out of seminary and just wanted to teach the Bible. And I did, but I was really not engaged in the community at all.

But I had recently been feeling a certain responsibility as a Chinese pastor in Philadelphia to be a part of the bigger race conversations that are going on nationwide. You know, the voice of Asian Americans has often not been as heard…sometimes we even feel like we're on the sidelines looking in, and feel like we should probably join the conversation. I was listening to national conversations that made me think that you know, in my role as a Chinese pastor, I should branch out a little bit you know, to get to talk to people.

Anyway, last fall our church got an email inviting a pastor to an initial meeting to discuss the arena, so I chose to go, and then I just decided to keep going to meetings to see what happened as I slowly got to know people.

JOHN: How has it impacted you being in these spaces with city leaders, Chinatown leaders, and various faith leaders, with different opinions being voiced?

WAYNE: It was challenging for sure. I hate conflict. You know, fortunately, I've been trained in conflict over the past 10 years, a lot. I won't go into all of it. Even though we are a Chinese Church, there are several different Chinese cultures represented within our church, and cultural differences make it difficult to understand each other at times…It’s taken me a long, long time to get here, but I feel like I'm comfortable with who I am so as of now, I can say, “Okay, you disagree with me, but that's fine. I'm okay sitting in a space where you don't, we're not 100% aligned with one another.” This took a really long time. I mean, there's a lot of stories I can tell of little ways that I got here.

I think a lot about where to draw the line in terms of being faithful to what I believe in, versus working together with others. It has opened up my perspective and other people get to see how I see the world. It’s very different than just my my own little circle that I've been mostly in my whole life. I think it becomes more difficult from a theological standpoint, when those issues are being discussed…

JOHN: As you think about the the situation with the arena, I don't know if you have a good sense, but what percentage of Chinatown residents are for the project versus against?

WAYNE: So we did a couple of surveys, over 1000 residents were surveyed. And well over 90% were against the arena. In one of them, it was high-nineties.

JOHN: I wonder, in terms of the issue of the arena, are the conversations still ongoing? And what is the process, and what does your involvement look like at this point in those conversations?

WAYNE: Ongoing. So there are two committees. One is just called the Chinatown Committee, which is the one that I'm on. The other one is called the Save Chinatown Coalition. The latter spread their reach as far as they could — I mean, they have partnerships with national organizations and their reach is really broad.

But I'm part of the Chinatown Committee and we try to be mainly just focused on Chinatown. All the members of the Chinatown Committee are leaders in Chinatown of various organizations. There are restaurant owners, a few residents, members of the local RCO…it's Chinatown focused. And we're probably going to continue to meet after the arena stuff is over, no matter what is happening, you know, just a committee meeting together trying to do what's best for Chinatown.

JOHN: What do you pray is the outcome of your involvement in all this? I mean, you’ve shared how this stretched you personally, in terms of your tendency to be insular. And I know your heart’s desire has always been to teach the Bible and pastor a congregation and help people come to faith… But what further fruit do you pray comes from this “faithful presence” that you are demonstrating in the community?

WAYNE: So I'm pretty influenced by Tim Keller, and he wrote a book called Every Good Endeavor, in which he discusses the way in which the Church is intended to work for the common good in the broader community. So I think that our role has a community church includes promoting human flourishing for all people around us…one of the things I realized is that there are a lot of people in Chinatown that don't have a voice. I mean, we have a lot of immigrants that feel very uncomfortable. They may not speak English, you know? And others are very uncomfortable speaking out — you know, part of that is also from our cultural background, because in China political engagement is just not an option in the same way. 

So I think my role as a pastor, you know, is representing Christ in this way as well, serving them. It's funny because like, most of our neighbors don't get to talk to many pastors. But I think it's helpful to have a gateway as a conversation topic to kind of talk about faith. I can get to explain to them why we do what we do.

What is a “Christian Psychiatrist”?

People often ask me, “What is a Christian Psychiatrist?”

I think it’s a fantastic question because there isn’t just one answer, and depending on who you ask you can hear different things. So I’ll give you my personal take on the question.

I became a Christian during medical school. I was already studying to be a psychiatrist because I wanted to better understand who people are and why they do what they do. (If you didn’t know, a psychiatrist is a medical doctor who specializes in mental, emotional, and behavioral ailments.)

And then all of the sudden I was beginning to reassess why I did what I did, what was in my heart, and I came to believe that I was on the wrong path. Eventually I discerned that I was called to follow Jesus, and I began to rethink my big questions in light of the wisdom of the Bible. The Bible talks about God’s plan for us to have abundant life in Him, and it explains God’s corrective for our souls when we're off course. Of course it also contains God’s own description of why we do what we do — and it’s pretty thorough in its discussion of human motivations!

Essentially, I had to reconcile my psychiatric studies with what I began to understand from the Scriptures. Now, there is obviously a lot of great psychiatric wisdom that does not conflict with God’s design. But I believe a biblical understanding of a person is authoritative—meaning that the Scriptures should inform all of our other knowledge in life, including psychiatry. 

So for me a Christian psychiatrist is one who tries to think about everything (including psychiatry) through the lens of the Bible. That means that there are some distinctively Christian applications that will come through in my practice of psychiatry, because I ultimately want to keep our clients on course to know God through whatever struggle they're having in life!

Finally, I believe that God’s plan for each of us includes the very intimate details of our lives, including our biochemistry. And this matters even as we consider how medications come into play, because our efforts to ease pain should be considered in the context of our broader commitment to love and honor God. 

Sincerely, 
Dr. John Applegate

ps: Do you have more questions about the intersection of psychiatry and the Christian faith, especially in the context of the local church? Reach out to our Development Director John Alexander (the “other JA” on our team!) to talk more. 

Three Vigils for Maundy Thursday, and a Fourth

Anyone who has worked a night shift knows that you must “keep watch” in at least three directions.



You watch over the workplace (or the house, perimeter, etc.) My wife kept watch many years as a nightshift nurse, because ICU patients tend to need care outside of bankers’ hours. My friend worked as a night watchman at an office complex, and over the years caught several intruders climbing the fence. During war, watchmen keep their eyes open for the enemy so others can sleep. This watch is why you were hired.



You watch over yourself. It is tough to stay awake, particularly when there is little visible action in the early hours of the morning. The mind wanders, the body finds a comfortable chair, the head nods and snaps back. Remind me again: why would we fight sleep? As Christ said on the first Maundy Thursday, “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41).

You watch for the morning. Your body tells you that the shift will last forever. It’s not true. The watch will end, as sure as the sun will rise. So we watch the clock, the moon, the horizon, knowing that morning always comes, and there will be rest.

On that first Maundy Thursday, when Christ invited his three closest disciples to “watch and pray” that they might not enter into temptation, all three watches were in play. But he had a fourth type of watch in mind, as well: He said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me” (Matthew 26:38).

This kind of watch — watching with a suffering loved one even to the point of sharing their burdens — is what Christ asked of his disciples on the night before his crucifixion. 

 What about us?

You know someone who is suffering alone today. Or at least, you know of them. 


Who has recently lost a loved one?

Who is underemployed and unsure how to consistently make rent?


Who has already been displaced from their home (or homeland)?

Who is living with a frightening diagnosis?

Who works with populations who have been degraded on a mass scale?

Who is mourning their sin and its effect on other people, or on the earth?

Who does not want to continue living?

Maundy Thursday is a day to sit with them. And sitting with them is sitting with Christ, who said just two days earlier, “as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me” (Matthew 25:40).

 Your clergy and counselors will tell you that a caring community is a necessary factor in your spiritual, emotional, and mental health. In other words, you need a home team to keep watch with you during your long dark nights. Without one, there may be a low ceiling to the growth and health you can experience.

Watch with someone tonight.

Do not give advice or try to fix them. Just see them, be with them, and join them in making an offering of tears. Call or text them if it’s really all you can do. Eventually, your thoughts will drift and your head will nod and your vigil will end. And that is okay, because yours was a participation in a constant vigil kept by the ever-interceding Spirit of God, to whom we commend our prayers and the other’s need. Because the Spirit never sleeps. 



Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for your love’s sake. Amen. (Book of Common Prayer, An Order for Compline)

“Pre-Martial” Counseling Is Not a Typo

“Hi, do you offer premarital counseling to engaged or soon-to-be engaged couples?” 

I love these emails! 



Of the many types of counseling encounters here at Philadelphia Renewal Network, premarital counseling often feels like a high point. Couples generally enter these conversations with enthusiasm, anticipating their exciting new life together. And even if there are some difficult issues to work through, the discussions tend to be relatively light, hopeful, and optimistic. 

“Yes, we offer pre-martial counseling to many couples!” I replied.

Of course, it was a typo. In fact, I’m sure that pre-martial would have autocorrected to pre-marital if I had left out the hyphen, which I will from now on. But it still made me laugh out loud when I read the sent email back to myself.

Come on, it’s funny. “Pre-martial” literally means “prior to war.” How funny would it be if premarital counseling was essentially just a series of conversations about preparing for war? Go ahead, laugh! It’s hilarious…right?

The truth is that all marriage counseling should be pre-martial counseling, for the simple reason that marriage counseling is not mainly about managing conflict. Your marriage counselor is not a sensei, teaching deflection skills to martial artists in preparation for combat. No, she is about the work of something much more foundational—something pre-martial. To be clear, marriage counseling is mainly about choreographing Christ-like love as you journey through life, so that there will be a context of mutual trust, fondness, admiration, and communion before and through conflict. And it is for all couples, whether or not they have already said their “I do’s”.

To be sure, wars will come. But even then, the pre-martial work remains before us. As you and your spouse explain the details of your gridlocked arguments, don’t be surprised if your marriage counselor isn’t primarily interested in the “who said what’s” and is often ambivalent about who was “right”. We don’t really want to be right anyway, do we? What we really want is to be close for the hours, days, and years that follow. (And when you do win a fight, as Tom Hanks once wrote to Meg Ryan, “remorse inevitably follows”.)

In order to be close, we need more than communication strategies that help us fight less. I can not fight with a stranger. I can even not fight with an enemy, ignoring them while hating them. 

We don’t just want the absence of a bad thing. Good marriage counseling is about the presence of what we do want…

We want reciprocal self-giving! 

We want rhythms of true encounter. 

We want communion with a spouse when we reach for them, when so many other relationships have kept us reaching. 



Ultimately, we want the kind of love that Christ spoke of, taught, lived out, commanded, and assured us of—experienced as much as possible within the marriage covenant. 

And so, love has to be our preparation and our process if it is to also be the hoped-for outcome at the end of a war, just as sure as Christ is the Way and not only the Truth and the Life.


So then. You’re getting married, huh? Go ahead and look into one of the many wonderful compatibility tools out there. Also turn over all of the rocks to test your agreement on issues like faith, spousal roles and responsibilities, family of origin, finances, sex, and communication. Go for it! It’s really valuable work. Just remember that it is entirely possible to do all of that good work without actually cultivating love. Personally, I am most interested in how you are serving one another (Gal. 5:13), forgiving one another (Eph. 4:32), building one another up (1 Thes 5:11), and in this way making your love increase and overflow for each other in your day-to-day lives (1 Thes 3:12). I mean, exactly how are you doing this?

But what about those of us who are married-at-war? Well, the Scripture passages above work just as well for you, too! And actually, contemporary marriage experts in the secular sphere are telling the same story. For example, The Gottman Institute famously conducted the most extensive study on marital health in history, and founded their “Sound Relationship House” theory on the conviction that productive conflict must be undergirded by rituals of loving connection that nurture a common fondness and admiration. Relatedly, Sue Johnson, developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy wrote, “We can come up with many techniques to address different aspects of couples’ distress, but until we understand the core principles that organize love relationships, we cannot really understand love’s problems or offer couples enduring help (Sue Johnson, Hold Me Tight, 34).” 



Think of this as a “common grace” affirmation of a biblical truth—love is the pre-martial counseling that we need.


Friends, don’t get me wrong—deescalation of conflict is important. Let’s get better at active listening. Let’s use “I statements” instead of “you statements” to get through those misunderstandings. And be assured that pretty much all we can do is tear each other down once our heart rates exceed 100bpm! But a good pre-martial counselor is choreographing love even when we are flooded with painful emotions:



Where are you, husband, behind all of this sadness protected by anger? And how can love reach you?

	

What would it cost you, wife, to share the history of rejection that came rushing back when you saw his eyes wander? And how can love wait patiently as you weigh that cost? 


How can you respond, spouse, to the other who just offered you these feelings — these fragile pieces of fine china — in hopes that they won’t shatter on the ground?


How can you and your current (or future) spouse learn to be lovingly attentive to the other, as God is for you? This is the work of pre-martial counseling, before and during marriage.

And when it’s there, I promise it’s a whole different fight.

In hope,

John

ps: We celebrate that there are many faithful and skilled marriage counselors in our region. We’re just honored to be among them. Always feel free to reach out to schedule an appointment with one of our therapists!

Counseling and Adjectives and the Supreme Relevance of Love

If you haven’t noticed, Christians like to put different adjectives in front of the word “counseling."

Biblical, Christian, and Pastoral are among the most popular, and all of them may be useful so long as we remember that in the context of counseling each adjective is more than a mere descriptor. For example, “Biblical Counseling” does not simply refer to a method of counseling that makes use of the Christian Scriptures—it is a technical phrase that articulates a set of priorities and philosophies, which set “Biblical Counseling” apart from “Christian Counseling.” (If you’re interested, here is a brief and fairly accurate summary of some similarities and differences between these two approaches.)

And then there are those precious, door-opening adjectives—“Licensed Professional” Counselor! This is the state-issued credential shared by most of my colleagues and pursued by associate counselors like me who are in the process of completing their supervision requirements while doing much of the same work.

Vocationally, I’m a man dancing between adjectives. 



But what do all of these adjectives really say about me, and about other counselors who seemingly collect descriptors and letters like so many pieces of flare? To be honest, they say a few very important things, but not the main thing.

First, a few very important things: The adjectives let you know a little about what you can expect from me in a counseling session: To what degree do I value Scripture as a guide for spiritual and psychosocial health and flourishing? To what extent do I value the techniques of secular psychology in approaching mental health issues? How might I make use of the DSM-V? What is a human being? What is the point of life, the universe, and everything? It really can go on ad infinitum…



The point is that your counselor’s frame of reference matters, and you should ask about it. If you don’t know the counselor yet, think of the adjectives as a shorthand map in your exploration. (And if you’re part of a trusted faith community, don’t forget to ask their direction as well.)

But there are many more things that these adjectives can never tell you, and this is the point of main concern: none of the adjectives tell you whether I will love you.

To be clear, in the context of counseling, love is not a transgression of professional boundaries. I will post more on this point later, but by “love” I am not referring to a feeling or a certain relational style.

In the Christian Scriptures, love is that often-described but never completely defined (because it is ultimately an ineffable energy of God) virtue that guides all of God’s interactions with humanity, and ideally orients and empowers all interpersonal encounters as well, to the extent that the Apostle Paul is moved to say, “(If I) have not love, I am nothing.”

A while back my friend Stephen Muse wrote a “Pastoral Counseling Epistle” for counselors like me, who are juggling theories and methods and ethics while also trying to maintain their soul. He was also writing as one who had spent over a dozen years pastoring a church before transitioning into counseling psychology, like I am doing right now.

His epistle is based on the above words of the apostle from 1 Corinthians 13. As you read it, ask, “What if you could expect this from a counselor?” What if (God help us) you could expect it from me?

"If I know the classical psychological theories well enough to pass my comps and can reformulate them in ways that can impress peer reviewers from the most prestigious journals, but have not the practical wisdom of love, I am only intrusive muzak soothing the ego while missing the heart.

And if I can read tea leaves, throw the bones and manipulate spirits so as to understand the mysteries of the universe and forecast the future with scientific precision, and if I have achieved a renaissance education in both the exoteric and esoteric sciences that would rival Faust and know the equation to convert the mass of mountains into psychic energy and back again, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I gain freedom from all my attachments and maintain constant alpha waves in my consciousness, showing perfect equanimity in all situations, ignoring every personal need and compulsively martyring myself for the glory of God, but this is not done freely from love, I have accomplished nothing.

Love is great-hearted and unselfish; love is not emotionally reactive, it does not seek to draw attention to itself.  Love does not accuse or compare.  It does not seek to serve itself at the expense of others.  Love does not take pleasure in other people's sufferings, but rejoices when the truth is revealed and meaningful life restored.  Love always bears reality as it is, extending mercy to all people in every situation.  Love is faithful in all things, is constantly hopeful and meets whatever comes with immovable forbearance and steadfastness.  Love never quits.

By contrast, prophecies give way before the infinite possibilities of eternity, and inspiration is as fleeting as a breath.  To the writing and reading of many books and learning more and more, there is no end, and yet whatever is known is never sufficient to live the Truth who is revealed to the world only in loving relationship.

When I was a beginning therapist, I thought a lot and anxiously tried to fix people in order to lower my own anxiety.  As I matured, my mind quieted and I stopped being so concerned with labels and techniques and began to realize that, in the mystery of attentive presence to others, the guest becomes the host in the presence of God.  In the hospitality of genuine encounter with the other, we come face to face with the mystery of God who is between us as both the One offered and the One who offers.

When all the theorizing and methodological squabbles have been addressed, there will still only be three things that are essential to pastoral counseling: faith, hope, and love.  When we abide in these, we each remain as well, without comprehending how, for the source and raison d'etre of all is Love."

- from Stephen Muse, When Hearts Become Flame

Dr. Ajabeyang Amin of PRN is About to Release Her New Book!

Have you ever begun to talk to someone and realized that you’re both from the same hometown? You immediately have a sense of connection with them—you “get” them to a certain extent, and they get you.

Dr. Ajabeyang Amin, a psychologist on our team here at PRN, uses this hometown example to describe the first time she saw a Black client after studying in a predominantly White school. She writes, “Her issues felt a little more personal; I actually felt my heart skip a beat at one point in the session. There is something about a shared lived experience that connects us with others.

In her new book Not Far From the Truth (releasing this month!), Dr. Amin tries to capture that sense of shared experiences. The book is comprised of ten fictional short stories about healing, faith, hope, and courage, all written in the form of conversations from the perspective of African immigrant characters.

The themes of the book overlap significantly with the focus of her blog, African Mind Healer, where Dr. Amin writes thoughtfully at the intersection of Christian faith, mental health, and African culture. 

Join the book release waitlist at ajabamin.com, and find out how to get your copy ASAP!

This story and more in our February newsletter, and discover more about PRN’s fascinating team of counselors and other mental health providers on our website.

What does it take to create a culture of mental health awareness?

What does it take to create a culture of mental health awareness in your church or organization?

The path may not be easy, but it doesn’t have to be complicated.

Jessica Cho Kim is a friend of Philadelphia Renewal Network and she helped her church (Grace Ministry NJ) participate in a mental health summit last year. Here she shares her church’s journey of learning to discuss and respond to mental health issues in their midst.

Their process:
1) Form a team of informed volunteers
2) Establish a support group
3) Create a local mental health directory
4) Support counseling for their members
5) Provide education and training

Does this fit your context?

At Phila Renewal Network, we’re standing by to talk more. But we can also get you in contact with Jessica! PRN member churches are often more than happy to share their struggles and victories with other churches and organizations.

Of Counseling and Rocket Boosters

Friends of Philadelphia Renewal Network,

My old mentor had an interesting illustration for the experience of receiving counseling: rocket boosters. You know, those two skinny rockets on either side of the shuttle that propel it out of the atmosphere before falling away, leaving the shuttle and crew to boldly go forward on their mission.

Now, of course, in most ways counseling is nothing like a rocket. A therapist generally does not launch you to new heights within a few seconds, and the sessions are (hopefully) not explosive experiences. But. If your church is the shuttle and you are among the crew, a faithful counselor can come alongside to offer strategic support to help you on your mission.

At PRN, we love what we do—connecting individuals and church communities to affordable, Gospel-centered mental health services—but we’re not the local church. We’re here to hasten the Church’s mission by tending to the health of her crew, and we hope to get better at that all the time. In fact, that’s why PRN hired me.

Hi! If we haven’t met, I’m John Alexander (yes, around here they call me the other “John A”). I’m a longtime Philadelphia pastor who, in addition to being PRN’s newest therapist, serves as Ministry Development Director to make sure that we’re seeing and serving you. To that end, in addition to our virtual and in person counseling and psychiatric services that are always available, I’ve posted our 2024 seminar series that we will bring straight to you. We’d love to visit your church or organization soon.

In the meantime, check out our January 2024 newsletter!

Steady as she goes,

John Alexander, MDiv, MTh
Therapist & Ministry Development Director